6 Nigerians on Why They Rejected Public Proposals

A public proposal is often framed as the ultimate romantic gesture, but for some people it is anything but welcome. Being asked to commit to a lifetime together in front of an audience can feel like pressure rather than romance. Six Nigerians share the stories behind the public proposals they rejected and the reasons they said no.

“He cornered me on his birthday” — Iyabo*, 53

During her first year at university in the early ’90s, Iyabo caught the attention of her roommate’s older brother. He offered gifts and made small gestures to win her over, but she was not romantically interested. She respected him and tried to let him down gently, telling him she was only interested in marriage in the hope that it would discourage him. It did not.

On his birthday, which also marked his graduation from medical school, he threw a party and invited her. At some point, he stood up and spoke about a girl he could not stop thinking about and wanted to spend the rest of his life with. Iyabo did not suspect he meant her until he mentioned her name and asked her to come to the front. Embarrassed, she refused to get up, but people around her nudged her forward. When she eventually went up, he got down on both knees and asked her to “be his forever.”

“I wanted the ground to swallow me,” she recalls. She covered her face and shook her head, unable to speak, until a friend escorted her out. The incident changed how she saw him. He continued to pursue her for some time, but she made it clear that her answer would not change.

“She asked in front of my family” — Dolu*, 43

In the summer of 2017, Dolu and his then-girlfriend travelled to Nigeria to spend time with his family. He had not seen his mother and sisters in a while, so the visit was a good opportunity to catch up. During the trip, his girlfriend brought up marriage in front of his family. She talked about how much she wanted to spend the rest of her life with him and how he had been avoiding the conversation. Then she asked when he planned to marry her and suggested they pick a date right there.

Dolu was deeply embarrassed. His mother tried to mediate while his sisters giggled. He did not want to have that conversation in front of everyone, so he suggested they discuss it privately rather than give her an answer. She felt hurt, but he also felt she had put them both in an uncomfortable position. He had told her several times that they would get married, but he was not yet in the right mental or financial place to take that step.

Thankfully, they were able to talk things through. When he was finally ready, they got engaged and had a beautiful wedding in 2019.

“He attempted to ask at the worst place possible” — Faiza*, 29

Faiza’s fiancé’s first attempt at proposing happened at Davido’s concert last December. Davido did not show up until past midnight, and they had already spent hours standing in the heat. She was overstimulated and looking forward to going home. She had finally started enjoying the performance when her boyfriend began whispering sweet things in her ear. Then she noticed a ring in his hand and realised what he was about to do.

“Not here,” she told him immediately. She was not about to get engaged in the middle of a crowded concert, especially when she was already exhausted. Thankfully, he listened and put the ring away. He did not get defensive or try to force the moment. They are engaged now, and they got to have that moment privately and on their own terms.

“He asked so I would forgive his cheating” — Chioma*, 31

In 2024, Chioma discovered that her long-term boyfriend had cheated on her. She was devastated, and after a huge fight, she told him she was done. He begged for another chance, but she remained indecisive about the relationship. A few weeks later, he suggested they spend some time together. They had dinner at a hotel, and afterwards, he took her to the rooftop. His friends, none of whom she cares for, were waiting with flowers. There was a photographer, a videographer, music and a beautifully decorated space.

She thought he had planned an elaborate apology until he brought out a ring. She was furious. She started to express how upset she was but eventually broke down in tears. They were in the middle of a relationship crisis, yet he had chosen that moment to propose. He insisted that the proposal was his way of showing his commitment and promised things would change. She wanted to get married, but not under those circumstances. She needed him to rebuild her trust, not put a ring in front of her and expect that to fix everything.

He refused to understand and even sent her the video of her reaction, hoping it would make her feel guilty. That step was the beginning of the end for them. They broke up a few weeks later.

“He claimed the proposal was a skit” — Joy*, 25

In her final year, a guy from Joy’s faculty asked her out a few times. She found his advances uncomfortable and told him plainly that she was not interested. On the day she was signing out, he suddenly showed up while she was taking pictures. He got down on one knee with a cake and said, “I want you to be mine.” Before she could process what was happening, people had gathered around them with their phones, and everyone was shouting, “Say yes!”

She tried to walk away, but people crowded around her and urged her to accept. Eventually, she got irritated and shoved him away before leaving. The video quickly went viral around school, and people who did not even know her started calling her rude and saying she had embarrassed him. Some even spread rumours that he was her long-term boyfriend and that she had intentionally disgraced him.

She was upset because she barely knew this guy and he had put her on the spot in front of a crowd. When she eventually reached out to express her displeasure, he told her it was a skit. She still does not know whether he was serious or if it was staged. Either way, it was a horrible experience, and she still avoids watching the video whenever it comes up.

“I wasn’t sure I wanted to take that step with him” — Angela*, 29

Angela and her ex were in a serious relationship, and they had talked about marriage. But living together changed how she saw him. He had poor hygiene, left clothes scattered around, and allowed dishes to pile up for days. These things made her question whether she still wanted to marry him, and she thinks he noticed she was becoming distant.

Last August, during his late mother’s 10th-year memorial, he left her at home and promised to return and pick her up. When he could not make it back, he asked her to take an Uber to the family house. She was already annoyed when she arrived, only for his cousin to pull her outside where her boyfriend was waiting on one knee with a ring. His family had their phones out, recording and urging her to say yes.

She was so overwhelmed that she pulled her hand away and walked out. His aunties tried to stop her, saying she should not leave him like that in front of everyone, but she went home anyway. He was furious that she had made him look stupid, especially since they had discussed marriage before. But those conversations did not mean she was ready to say yes at that moment. Things were never quite the same after that. He never forgave her for how she reacted, and their relationship gradually went downhill until they broke up.