Sunken Ships: How a Hidden OCD Diagnosis Ended Damilola’s Marriage and Friendship

Damilola* (28) met Fade* (28) at NYSC camp in 2018, and the two quickly became close friends. Fade later introduced Damilola to Isaac*, the man she would marry. But after the wedding, Damilola discovered that both her husband and her best friend had kept a major secret from her. In this edition of Sunken Ships, Damilola explains how learning about Isaac’s obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) after marriage affected their relationship, why she felt betrayed by Fade, and how the experience changed her approach to relationships.

How Damilola and Fade Became Friends

Damilola and Fade met at NYSC camp in 2018 and became friends almost immediately. Both were church-going women, and they got along well. Even after camp, when they were posted to different local governments, they stayed in touch, talked regularly, and remained quite close.

At some point, Fade learned that Damilola was single and open to meeting new people. She offered to introduce her to one of her single male friends, Isaac*.

Meeting Isaac and the Early Relationship

Damilola describes Isaac as sweet and charming. After Fade introduced them, they hit it off and soon were talking on the phone almost every day. Things progressed naturally, and they started courting in 2019.

She liked how deliberate he was about cleanliness—he was particular about washing his hands and keeping his things sparkling clean. He also took his faith seriously, which was important to her in a partner.

The relationship was good. They dated for about a year and a half, and Damilola had no major concerns. The only thing she found a little unusual was that Isaac never allowed her to visit his house. She knew where he lived and had even been to the gate of his building, but she never went inside. She didn’t think too deeply about it at the time because they were abstaining from sex until marriage.

Wedding Preparations and Early Warning Signs

Isaac proposed in 2021, and they began preparing for the wedding. That was when Damilola started noticing some strange things about him. He was very insistent on having a small ceremony and on how certain things should be done.

On the wedding day, for instance, he seemed visibly distressed when he couldn’t recite Psalm 91 over his new shoes twice before wearing them. Damilola thought he was just being dramatic, but she didn’t realise his behaviour might point to something deeper.

Life After the Wedding

Isaac was difficult to live with. Damilola realised that his need for things to be done a certain way went beyond being neat or particular. He had repetitive routines that he struggled to stop, and if something interrupted them, he’d become so anxious and panicked that he couldn’t sleep or sit still.

Cooking became one of their biggest problems. Whenever Damilola used the gas cooker, Isaac wouldn’t take her word for it that she’d turned off the burners. He’d keep checking them and sometimes get out of bed in the middle of the night to check again. He said he was worried that a gas explosion could happen while they slept, but his constant checking kept her awake. Eventually, she started buying food instead of cooking at home. It was frustrating, but she wanted to be able to sleep without being disturbed.

The Confession

Six months into the marriage, Damilola became so frustrated that she begged Isaac to explain why he behaved that way. That’s when he confessed that he had obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). He said he hadn’t told her while they were dating because he was afraid she wouldn’t marry him if she knew.

Suddenly, some of the things she’d noticed during their courtship made more sense. It was a lot to take in. These weren’t occasional habits—they were part of his everyday life, and she was struggling to adjust. She hadn’t known what living with him would involve because she hadn’t known about his condition before they married. She felt she hadn’t had the opportunity to understand his condition or consider what living together would look like before making a commitment as important as marriage.

Fade's Secret

Worried about what people would think, Damilola turned to Fade first. She wanted to talk to someone she trusted who wouldn’t judge her for feeling frustrated with Isaac. Surprisingly, Fade admitted that she’d known about Isaac’s OCD all along. She said she hadn’t told Damilola because she wasn’t sure Damilola could handle it and didn’t want the information to change how she saw him. She thought he was a good guy.

Damilola couldn’t believe it. This was someone she considered a close friend, yet Fade had known something so significant about the man she was introducing her to and said nothing. Damilola felt betrayed. She also felt foolish for trusting them both without questioning whether there was something she needed to know.

The End of the Friendship

Damilola withdrew from Fade after that conversation. She couldn’t get past what had happened. She felt Fade should have told her, regardless of whether Fade thought she could handle it or not. Damilola believes she should have had the information and been allowed to decide for herself whether she wanted to pursue the relationship.

Asked whether she would be open to reconciling with Fade, Damilola said no. She feels Fade ruined whatever trust she had in her by keeping Isaac’s illness from her. “I don’t want friends like that in my life,” she said.

The End of the Marriage

The revelation also affected the marriage. Damilola tried to make it work, but living with Isaac’s compulsions and routines became too difficult for her. She hadn’t expected marriage to be like that, and eventually, she realised she couldn’t continue.

She told her family about his OCD, and they supported her decision to leave. They agreed that Isaac and his family should have told her about his condition before the wedding so she could make an informed decision. There was very little pushback from his family when she decided to leave.

Damilola moved back to her parents’ house in 2022, and their divorce was finalised in March 2026.

How the Experience Changed Her Approach to Relationships

Damilola still wants to get married and settle down eventually, but she is more cautious now. She wants to take her time getting to know someone and make sure they are being honest with each other. She understands that no marriage is perfect, but she believes there are certain things you should know about a person before deciding to spend your life with them. She doesn’t want to find herself in a situation where she’s discovering major secrets after she’s made a big commitment.