Sunken Ships: My Best Friend Invited Everyone to Her Wedding but Me

Ifunanya* and Damilola* were both 23 when their friendship fell apart. They met at university, grew inseparable, and Ifunanya believed Damilola would be one of the most important people in her life forever. But as Damilola’s relationship moved toward marriage, Ifunanya went from being her closest friend to feeling like an afterthought. For Sunken Ships, Ifunanya talks about holding on even though she felt repeatedly excluded, and the last straw that led her to end the friendship.

How the friendship began

Ifunanya and Damilola met at university after Ifunanya changed her course to Chemistry in 200 level. She already knew of Damilola because they shared a department with one of her friends, but they didn’t really talk. Damilola was the one who decided they should be friends. Ifunanya doesn’t make new friends easily, but Damilola kept finding ways to get close. She would text about classes and even walk Ifunanya back to her hostel. At a time when Ifunanya was new to the department and didn’t know many people, Damilola made her feel like she belonged. Damilola was thoughtful and generous, and before long, they started doing almost everything together.

Growing closer, then drifting

The friendship deepened over time. A few years ago, Ifunanya had a bad falling-out with a close mutual friend, Rhoda*. Damilola knew what had happened but didn’t want to take sides. Ifunanya was upset because she felt she would have tried to fix things if two of her close friends fell out. Still, Damilola supported her through that loss, and that period actually brought them closer. Ifunanya started seeing Damilola as her best friend, not just someone she was close to.

The change came gradually after Damilola started dating her now-husband. They were always on the phone. Sometimes Damilola and Ifunanya would make plans to spend time together, but Damilola would spend most of that time talking to him. Ifunanya noticed but didn’t want to be the friend who complained about her relationship. One day, she joked that if Damilola ever had to choose between them, she’d pick Ifunanya. Her partner didn’t find it funny. Ifunanya didn’t think much of it then, but looking back, she sometimes wonders if that affected how he saw her. After a while, she also started feeling excluded.

The exclusions that hurt

Damilola’s partner is wealthy, and on Valentine’s Day in 2024, he surprised her with a car. He also invited some of her friends to celebrate with them, but Ifunanya wasn’t invited. She only found out when she saw the videos online. She was hurt because she considered herself Damilola’s best friend. She didn’t necessarily expect to be at every event in Damilola’s life, but she thought she would at least know about something that big. When they eventually talked about it, Damilola said Ifunanya wasn’t invited because she was out of town. Ifunanya accepted the explanation, and they moved on.

But it happened again. A few months later, Damilola casually told Ifunanya her partner was coming to pay her bride price soon. Then, one Sunday night, Ifunanya opened WhatsApp and saw videos of him proposing to Damilola. Their friends were there, including Rhoda, but Ifunanya wasn’t. She was shocked. Her best friend was getting engaged, and she was finding out at the same time as everyone else. People who knew how close they were would have expected her to be there. She couldn’t understand how they had gone from doing almost everything together to her watching the engagement on WhatsApp.

Confrontation and a strained attempt to hold on

Ifunanya asked Damilola why she wasn’t invited. Damilola said she didn’t know she was going to be proposed to, so she couldn’t control who her partner invited. Ifunanya understood that part, but what bothered her was that Damilola didn’t seem sorry that she wasn’t there, and that hurt even more.

Ifunanya initially decided not to attend the traditional marriage ceremony. Then Damilola came to her hostel and said she didn’t want to go through with the ceremony without her. So Ifunanya went. She did Damilola’s makeup and helped with the ceremony. Rhoda was also there on the aso ebi train, even though they weren’t particularly close. Ifunanya was emotionally exhausted by the whole situation, but she still showed up because she didn’t want one painful incident to end a friendship that meant so much to her.

The lie that broke her trust

Things didn’t get better. The relationship became more strained. After Damilola moved into her marital home, she kept telling Ifunanya she’d invite her over, but she never did. Then, in December 2025, her husband planned an outing with her friends for her birthday. One of Damilola’s newer friends, Somto*, lived in the same hostel as Ifunanya, so Ifunanya called and offered to pick her up since the venue was far. Somto declined and said she was at a friend’s place and would find her own way there. When Ifunanya arrived at the venue, Damilola, her husband, her siblings and Somto all came in the same car. Ifunanya was confused because Somto had just told her she was somewhere else. She asked them about it, and they denied that Somto had been at Damilola’s house. Later, Ifunanya privately asked Damilola’s cousin what had happened. He confirmed that Somto had been at the house. He even said that when Ifunanya called, Somto had asked Damilola whether she should answer her or not. Ifunanya was embarrassed. Her supposed best friend had never invited her to her home, yet someone she had only recently become friends with was there. Worse, they’d all lied to her about it.

Distance, kindness, and the final straw

After that, Ifunanya started putting more distance between them. But she couldn’t bring herself to end the friendship completely. Whenever she tried to pull away, Damilola would do something kind that made her reconsider. For instance, when Ifunanya fell ill, Damilola sent her food. Those gestures made her believe the friendship was still worth saving.

What finally made her give up? After graduation, they got internships in different states. They congratulated each other, but they barely spoke or texted like they used to. Then Damilola suddenly messaged Ifunanya to say her wedding was coming up and that she’d love her to attend. She didn’t invite her to be a bridesmaid or to be involved with the wedding. It felt like such a strange and casual way for someone Ifunanya had considered her best friend to invite her to her wedding. Ifunanya took some time to sit with how she felt and eventually decided she wouldn’t attend.

She told Damilola. Damilola just said “OK.” She didn’t ask any questions or try to press further. When the wedding came around in August 2026, Ifunanya watched everything online. Rhoda was there. So were people Damilola barely spoke to in school. Almost everyone Ifunanya knew seemed to have been invited. Meanwhile, Ifunanya was still wondering whether the message she sent even counted as a proper invitation. She felt discarded. It was one of the worst things she’d ever experienced. Some of their classmates even contacted her because they couldn’t understand why she wasn’t at the wedding. They knew how seriously she took their friendship. It made her question whether she’d misunderstood her place in Damilola’s life all along. She eventually deleted Damilola’s number and the numbers of her siblings and parents. She didn’t want to see any more wedding content. She also removed her from Instagram. That was the end for her.

Aftermath and moving forward

The pain is still fresh. A part of Ifunanya wonders if she was the problem, but she knows she was a genuine friend and always did her best for Damilola. She showed up even when she felt excluded. Sometimes, she wonders if Damilola only valued her because she was useful to her in school when they became friends.

Has this affected the way she views friendships? Yes. She’s much more sceptical now. She’s met amazing people since moving for her internship, but she tells them she doesn’t completely trust anyone. She’s afraid someone else will change without warning and leave her questioning what she did wrong.

Would she reconcile with Damilola if she ever reached out? No. She thinks their friendship has run its course. She never imagined Damilola would treat her the way she did, and she doesn’t think she can ever move past it.