He Was Still in University, But His Girlfriend Expected Him to Support Her Family

Isaac*, 26, is learning to slow down. After a series of relationships that taught him hard lessons about love, money and the pressure to provide, he is hoping to find a balance that works. In this episode of On the Streets, a Zikoko series about the chaos of modern dating, he opens up about what his experiences have taught him and what he wants from a relationship in the future.

Being Single and Missing Accountability

Isaac says he enjoys being single, but he misses having someone who holds him accountable. He tends to work harder and be more productive when he is dating. His hope is to find someone who balances him out.

A Campus Romance That Became Suffocating

His first relationship began in 2018, during his first year at university. He was meeting a lot of new people, but a girl named Amina* caught his attention. Someone posted her on WhatsApp, so he asked for her number. They discovered they attended the same school, met the next day and spent hours walking around campus. They could only afford one drink between them, but he liked how easy it was for them to have a good time together. After a couple of days, he told her he liked her, and they started dating.

For the first time, Isaac experienced true love. She was always on his mind, and he wanted to do everything he could to make her happy. It was the first time he had felt such deep feelings for someone. But over time, the relationship became suffocating. Amina depended on him for almost everything. Beyond material things, she needed a lot of his attention and expected him to always be available. He would even help her with assignments for courses he knew little about.

He tried to endure it at first, but it became a problem when her needs began to affect his other relationships. Once, his friends planned a staycation, but he had to leave early because she would not stop calling. Even ordering food could turn into a long phone call because she wanted him to help her decide what to eat. He was frustrated, but he really liked her, so he kept trying to make it work.

Their personalities eventually became another source of tension. Isaac describes himself as very jovial with a lot of friends, while Amina was more reserved. She became uncomfortable with some of his friendships and accused him of being romantically involved with one of his female friends. They had a heated argument about it, and she admitted she had grown tired of the relationship. After a year and a half together, she broke up with him. He was shocked because he did not expect her to follow through.

Heartbreak, Casual Dating and a New Start

The breakup changed him a lot. He could not understand how suspicion alone could be enough reason to end a relationship, so he convinced himself that he was not good enough for her. He also decided to forget about relationships until he had his life together. He wanted to make more money and focus on getting into tech and crypto.

As time went on and he started making money, he became more casual about dating. For almost two years, he got into casual situationships and spent a lot of time partying. Towards the end of 2022, he met Elizabeth*.

They met at a club and really vibed that night. She had told a friend that she liked him, so he got her number and they started talking. She was very clear that she wanted a relationship, and he felt ready to try again. They met on a Sunday evening. Exactly a week later, he took her out and asked her to be his girlfriend. He says he was focused on securing her because Elizabeth was a baddie and he did not want to lose her to someone else. He figured they would have enough time to get to know each other better during the course of the relationship.

Red Flags and Financial Strain

But it did not take long for him to notice the red flags. She made him her money bank. He funded her lifestyle and even had to get her an apartment. Then her requests extended to her family. Whenever her parents needed money, she would ask him to help.

He did not mind supporting her, but he started feeling like the arrangement only went one way. He helped her learn tech skills and even helped her land a contract. When she got paid, he watched her spend the money with her friends without thinking of doing anything for him. He started wondering if she was with him because of what he could give her.

She was also very sneaky. She would lie about where she was and tell him half-truths. He hated feeling like he had to police her, and they argued about it constantly. Then she started talking about marriage after university. Instead of feeling excited, he started dreading what a future with her would look like. He was scared that supporting her would eventually mean supporting her entire family, too.

He tried to end the relationship several times, but she would not let go. In 2024, he started hooking up with someone else. It was not planned. He was out drinking with friends, and he ended up hooking up with an acquaintance. He felt bad, but he did not regret it. What happened also made him realise that his feelings for Elizabeth were gone. He did not want to continue the relationship. He broke up with her shortly afterwards.

He did not move on with the acquaintance. For one, they had agreed to keep things private, but she went about telling people they were together. He also was not in a good place to start another relationship. He was between jobs and did not feel mentally or financially secure enough to commit to another woman. Eventually, he ghosted her.

The Pressure to Provide

Isaac says the pressure to provide is subconscious. As a man, he has always been taught that he needs to be a provider. For a long time, he believed that if he could not fully support his partner, he had no business being in a relationship. But his last relationship changed that perspective. She showed him that the full responsibility of a relationship does not always have to fall on him.

A Relationship That Felt Right but Lacked Attraction

That woman was Faith*. They met earlier this year on Instagram. They were mutuals who had never interacted until she posted something that sparked a conversation. Faith was different from the people he had dated before. She was thoughtful without being asked. In March, he was travelling for work and kept complaining about back pain. Even though she was in a different city, she somehow arranged a massage session for him. He felt so giddy because he had never experienced someone doing those kinds of things for him. They were little gestures, but they meant the whole world to him.

She also pushed him to grow. She was ambitious, and she encouraged him to work harder and take on more projects. There was one project he had been avoiding because he was scared of taking such a big step, but she motivated him to go for it.

It sounded like the perfect relationship, and it was. But despite everything he admired about her, he was not physically attracted to her. He tried to make himself feel differently because she treated him well, but he just could not. Whenever she talked about the future, he felt tense and guilty. Eventually, he became restless and started looking out. He ended the relationship after he came close to cheating. It would not have been fair to hurt her just because of how he felt. He has been winging it ever since.

What He Has Learned About Love

Isaac says he needs to stop jumping into serious commitments. He has often rushed into relationships before really getting to know his partners or understanding their compatibility because he was afraid of losing the opportunity. He believes he would have saved himself a lot of heartbreak if he had understood that earlier.

Most importantly, he has learned that a relationship should have a meaningful impact on your life. It should help you grow and become a better person. Now, he is hoping to find someone he can grow with.

Rating the Streets

Asked how the streets are treating him these days on a scale of 1 to 10, Isaac rates it 5/10. It is half and half. On one hand, he misses being in a relationship that made him a better person. On the other hand, he enjoys his freedom and having more time to spend with his friends. For now, he has decided to focus on enjoying what is left of his 20s. Hopefully, the right relationship will find him along the way.