My Best Friend Set Me Up With the Man She Was Secretly Dating

Funmilola* was in her final year at university when she met Amara*, the woman who would become her closest friend. They were in the same faculty but different departments, and Amara was known as a social butterfly. When Amara approached Funmilola’s table at a crowded campus eatery, a conversation began that would lead to years of friendship. The two became inseparable, and even their families grew close. Funmilola trusted Amara completely.

After graduation, Amara introduced Funmilola to Ade*, suggesting they would make a good match. Funmilola, who had been unlucky in love and was under pressure from her parents to marry, thought the gesture was thoughtful. Ade appeared to be a well-spoken, intentional man, and both Funmilola and her parents liked him. Amara’s parents also approved. However, Amara’s sister, Chikamma*, was openly hostile toward Ade. Funmilola found this odd but dismissed it as protectiveness.

Nearly two years after they met, Funmilola and Ade married in what she describes as a beautiful wedding. Amara served as chief bridesmaid. For the first six months, Funmilola was blissfully happy. Ade had told her before the wedding that his job would require him to travel for two to three weeks at a time. She agreed, though she disliked being alone. During his trips, she kept busy with work or long phone calls with Amara, who was conveniently also unavailable around those times. When Funmilola spent time with Chikamma and mentioned missing both Ade and Amara, Chikamma would stare at her with pity, but Funmilola did not read much into it.

Two years into the marriage, Funmilola grew suspicious. Ade continued to use condoms with her even though she had told him she was ready to have a baby. He said he was not ready to be a father. The constant travel also bothered her. At an event, she joked to one of Ade’s coworkers that work kept her husband traveling. The coworker laughed and asked, “Which travel?” That was how Funmilola learned that Ade’s job did not require any travel and that he had been lying since they married.

Instead of confronting Ade immediately, Funmilola confided in Amara, who became angry on her behalf. But as they talked, Amara tried to argue that maybe Ade was not cheating. Funmilola was infuriated. She left and went home to confront Ade. His explanation—that he liked quiet time alone—lacked conviction. She asked to see his phone. He handed it over easily, but apart from chats with her, his coworkers, his parents, and Amara, there was nothing. Funmilola convinced herself to believe him. She then told him he could not travel for “work” unless he showed proof of a work-assigned trip. This caused issues, but the travel stopped, and she had her husband to herself.

Once Ade stopped traveling, Amara suddenly became cold. She stopped picking up calls, canceled their weekly hangouts, and made excuses not to see Funmilola. Then Amara’s mother called and asked if Funmilola knew who Amara’s lover was. Funmilola did not even know Amara had a lover, as Amara had always claimed she was a working-class woman who did not need love. Her mother revealed that Amara was pregnant and refused to say who the father was. Funmilola called Amara, who said the man had been ignoring her calls. When Funmilola offered to call him, Amara became evasive. Funmilola assumed she was ashamed.

That evening, Funmilola told Ade about Amara’s pregnancy because she was worried. His reaction was jarring. He became angry and asked why Funmilola was telling him rubbish about Amara. For weeks, Ade moved through the house like an angry bull. Funmilola assumed he was dealing with something and would talk when ready. She was more concerned about Amara’s silence regarding the man responsible. The only person who seemed indifferent was Chikamma, who repeatedly told Amara she deserved whatever was happening.

Funmilola was upset by Chikamma’s behavior and called her, despite Amara’s objections. She told Chikamma that judging Amara for being pregnant while unmarried was unfair. After listening, Chikamma said she wanted to tell Funmilola a story. Though it seemed strange, Funmilola allowed it. Chikamma told of an Igbo girl and a Yoruba boy who met in the girl’s first year of university. They loved each other, but the boy’s parents would never allow him to marry an Igbo girl. To stay together without breaking up, the girl decided to matchmake the boy with her naive Yoruba best friend so she could continue dating him behind the best friend’s back. For years, the best friend remained unaware. They concocted lies about traveling for work. The boy used condoms with the best friend because the girl did not want him impregnating anyone else.

As Chikamma spoke, Funmilola’s brain did not process anything until the part about the Yoruba best friend. That was when she almost went mad. After the story ended, Funmilola thanked Chikamma. She understood that out of loyalty to Amara, Chikamma had not told her directly, but she remembered how Chikamma had always made Ade uncomfortable. Funmilola appreciated that.

Instead of going on a killing rampage, Funmilola called her parents and told them her husband had impregnated someone else and she wanted nothing to do with him. They did not ask questions or try to persuade her. They sent a driver to pick her up immediately and called Ade’s parents to inform them that they would be returning the bride price. When Ade and Amara found out that Funmilola knew, they tried to reach out, but she was numb. She could not understand how anyone could be so callous. If Amara had not gotten pregnant, Funmilola would never have found out and might have remained unaware for years.

About six months after Funmilola left Ade, his parents learned about Amara. Since a child—the grandchild they had been asking for—was now involved, they could not be tribalistic. They allowed Ade and Amara to have a small wedding. It was not until their daughter turned six months old that Funmilola and Ade’s divorce was finalized. Ade and Amara are still asking for forgiveness, but Funmilola wants nothing to do with them. Many years have passed, and she still feels the same. She has not fully processed how the incident caused her to give up on romance. She does not think she can trust anyone again because if her best friend could do that to her, who is to say another person would not?