She Refused to Risk Her Life for Another Son — Then Her Husband Got Another Woman Pregnant

In the latest installment of Zikoko’s weekly Sunken Ships series, which examines the end of relationships of all kinds, Bukola* (43) recounts how her marriage to Bolaji* (50) fell apart after she refused to risk her life for another child.

A Chance Meeting at Her Aunt's Shop

Bukola and Bolaji met in 2005 at her aunt’s shop, where she worked as a salesgirl. He came in almost every day to buy snacks, and the two grew close. She found him funny, but also liked the seriousness he carried. Over time, she developed a crush on him.

For a few months, they remained friends. Then one day, when Bukola was alone at the shop, Bolaji confessed that his daily visits were driven by his interest in her. She was shy and initially dismissed him, but he persisted, courting her for weeks with promises of marriage and a happy future. He asked her out again later that year, and they became a couple.

They kept the relationship secret at first because Bukola did not want her aunt to think she was using her job as an excuse to chase men. Bolaji met her aunt and the rest of her family in December 2005, and they married in August the following year.

Early Marriage and a Growing Family

The early years of their marriage were not what Bukola had imagined. It was not a bed of roses, but they had each other. Bolaji worked as a manager at a supermarket, while Bukola opened her own provisions shop.

Their first child arrived in 2007, and Bukola was elated. It felt like the family she had always wanted. Two more children followed in 2009 and 2012. They had planned to have four children, but during her last pregnancy, Bukola developed high blood pressure. The condition took a toll on her health, and their doctor advised them to stop having children.

By then, they already had two girls and a boy, and Bukola was content with the size of their family. But Bolaji’s attitude toward them changed after that.

Pressure to Have Another Son

Bolaji became distant and started spending more time away from home. The easy banter they once shared disappeared, and they stopped having sex. Bukola suspected he was keeping a mistress and tried to talk to him. She asked what she could do to get him to focus on their family again.

To her surprise, he said he wanted them to have another child. Bukola reminded him of the doctor’s warning and the risk to her health, but he insisted he had always wanted two sons. If she could not give him what he wanted, he told her to leave him alone.

Bukola spoke to her in-laws and some of her family members, hoping they could persuade him to change his mind. He would agree with them and promise that things were fine, but once they were back home, he would insist that they keep trying. Part of Bukola wanted to make him happy, but she was afraid. What if she did not survive the pregnancy? What if they went through with it and the baby was not a boy? She did not want to take that chance.

The more she refused, the more Bolaji stayed away from home. Eventually, he stopped giving her money, so she had to rely on her shop’s proceeds to cover their children’s expenses. It was not an ideal situation, but she was willing to endure it until things improved between them. The matter dragged on for years.

The Betrayal

Then, in 2019, Bukola’s sister brought her news that changed everything: Bolaji had gotten another woman pregnant. Bukola was heartbroken. She had done her best to be a good wife and had tolerated many things to keep their home together, yet he still betrayed her.

She reported the matter to their family, and they called a meeting. Her in-laws begged her to forgive him and accept the pregnant woman as her junior wife. But Bukola did not want to be part of a polygamous family, so she refused.

She insisted that Bolaji move out of their house, and he agreed. He got a new place for himself and the other woman. But when the other woman gave birth to a girl, it was as if he flipped a switch. He abandoned her, too. When Bukola heard the news, she wanted to be happy and mock her, but there was nothing to celebrate. It was not as if Bolaji had come back to her.

Where Things Stand Now

Seven years after their separation, Bukola says their children are the only thing connecting her and Bolaji. She wants them to have a good relationship with their father, so she makes sure they see him as much as possible. She also regularly updates him on their progress, but aside from that, they live separate lives. The only thing that has improved is that he now gives them more financial support.

As for reconciliation, Bukola is not sure. She does not know if she can ever completely forgive him for betraying her and getting another woman pregnant. He broke their vows and their home. It is possible that God will touch Bolaji’s heart one day and he returns to their family, but she is not holding out hope.

The experience has changed how she views marriage. She no longer believes it is a do-or-die affair. Her advice to anyone being forced to make a sacrifice for a marriage that could harm them is simple: run away.