Sunken Ships: She Rejected Her Best Friend and Lost Him — ‘I Didn’t See Him That Way’

When Cecilia* (28) met Kunmi* (32) at her first job in 2019, she had no idea he would become one of the most important people in her life. But in May 2025, Kunmi confessed that he wanted more than friendship. Cecilia didn’t feel the same way, and their once-close friendship began to unravel. In this week’s Sunken Ships, Cecilia shares how rejecting her best friend changed their relationship and why she’s struggling to accept that someone who once felt like home might no longer be in her life.

How Cecilia and Kunmi Became Friends

Cecilia and Kunmi met at her first job in 2019. She was an assistant to a radio host, and he worked as a sound engineer at the company. She was the only other person at the office who watched anime, so they bonded over some of their favourite shows and became close.

They walked to the bus stop together after work every day, and soon their coworkers started calling them besties. It felt true, so they didn’t fight it.

A Friendship That Felt Like a Safe Place

For Cecilia, the friendship was a safe place. She felt like she could talk to him about anything. She saw him as an older brother and went to him for career or relationship advice. He also came to her whenever anything was bothering him about his family or his relationships.

At first, he was just her work bestie, but over time, she realised he was the person she felt most comfortable around.

When Things Started to Change

Early last year, Cecilia had just come out of a relationship because her ex had japa-ed to Europe. She told Kunmi how heartbroken she was and swore off dating. He joked that she deserved a loverboy like him and said she should give herself time to heal.

At first, she didn’t think anything of it. They’d always talked about their relationships, so she assumed he was being his usual self. But after that, he started making comments about how he’d never leave her to figure things out alone if they dated. She laughed because she thought he was just trying to cheer her up. She didn’t realise he was serious.

The Confession in May 2025

Kunmi confessed in May 2025. They were talking one evening when he asked if she’d ever considered dating someone who already knew her very well. When she asked what he meant, he said he’d liked her for a long time, and he felt they’d be good together because they already understood each other.

Cecilia was shocked. They were close, but she had never looked at him in that way. He was her closest friend, almost like family. The thought of dating him had genuinely never crossed her mind.

How Cecilia Responded

She told him she cared about him deeply but didn’t have romantic feelings for him. She’d also just come out of a relationship and wasn’t interested in dating anybody. She was still trying to get over her ex, and the last thing she wanted was to jump into something new.

She explained how she valued their friendship and hoped they could continue being friends. He said he understood, and the conversation ended without any argument. She even gave herself a pat on the back because she thought they’d handled it like adults.

The Slow Drift After the Rejection

Things didn’t change immediately, but Cecilia started noticing little things. He stopped calling as often and became less interested in the random conversations they used to have. Before, he’d call just to tell her something funny that happened at work. Suddenly, she was the one initiating almost every conversation.

Whenever she asked if anything was wrong, he’d say he was fine or had been busy. She tried not to read too much into it because she knew he might need time to process his feelings. Still, the difference was hard to ignore. They’d spent years being comfortable around each other, and now she felt like she had to think carefully about every interaction.

Did She Ever Consider Dating Him to Save the Friendship?

Cecilia brought it up with him, asking if her rejection had affected their friendship. He insisted that everything was fine. She started wondering if she had done something wrong by being honest with him.

But she never considered dating him to save the friendship. He’s a good person, and she knows he cares about her. But someone being good to you doesn’t automatically mean you should date them. Even if she’d been ready for another relationship, she would still have needed to genuinely want him romantically. She couldn’t manufacture those feelings just to keep their friendship intact.

Sometimes she wonders whether things would have been different if she had been in a better emotional place. But she reminds herself that she didn’t reject him only because of her breakup. She simply didn’t see him that way.

What Hurts Most About Losing Him

They didn’t have a big fight. It just feels like she lost him because she couldn’t give him what he wanted. She doesn’t blame him for needing space. Rejection can hurt, and she understands that he might need time to move on from his feelings. But she wishes they could have found a way to navigate it without losing what they had.

Can the Friendship Recover?

They’re still cordial, but Cecilia wouldn’t call them best friends. They don’t talk as often, and she rarely knows what’s going on in his life. Part of her still expects things to go back to normal, especially because they were friends for years before this happened. But she knows she can’t make that decision for him.

If he needs distance to move on from his feelings, she has to respect that. She just wishes he’d tell her honestly if he can’t be her friend anymore. It would hurt, but at least she’d know where they stand instead of wondering if she’s lost him for good.

What This Experience Taught Her About Friendship and Love

For Cecilia, the lesson is clear: sometimes, caring about someone means accepting that the relationship you want with them isn’t the one they want with you.

As for her dating life, she’s only been seeing people casually since her last relationship ended. She still doesn’t think she’s ready for another romantic connection.